;;;
;;; I don't really think the original author of these macros
;;; wants his name in the header for posterity.  Neither do I, 
;;; for that matter.  All I did was to port them from Gosmacs 
;;; Mocklisp to GNU Elisp, so don't blame me!  Remember to put
;;; a bunch of hash marks (#) below the bong, or else you'll
;;; have nothing to smoke.
;;;

(defun fill-bong ()
  "Prepare to get stoned..."
   (interactive)
   (save-excursion
     (if (not (re-search-forward "======" nil t))
	 (error "Shit, man, I can't find the fucking bong..."))
     (if (not (re-search-forward "#" nil t))
	 (error "Aww, yer all out, dude.")
       (progn (backward-delete-char-untabify 1)
	      (if (not (search-backward "[ ]" nil t))
		  (progn 
		    (insert-string "#")
		    (message "The bowl's full, dipshit."))
		(progn
		  (forward-char 1)
		  (delete-char 1)
		  (insert-string "#")
		  (message "It's all ready to toke up!"))))
       (goto-char (point-min)))))

(defun smoke-bong () "I'm *confused*!"
(interactive)
(save-excursion
  (message "")
  (goto-char (point-min))
  (random t)
  (if (not (re-search-forward "======" nil t))
	    (error "Why don't you find the fucking bong?")
	    (progn 
		(previous-line 2)
		(setq bong-base (point))
	      (goto-char (point-min))
	      (if (not (re-search-forward "\\[#\\]" nil t))
		  (error "There ain't nothin' to smoke!")
		(progn 
		  (backward-char 2)
		  (setq hash-base (point))
		  (setq bubbles 0)
		  (while (< bubbles 7)
		    (goto-char hash-base)
		    (delete-char 1)
		    (insert-string (one-of "@*+&="))
		    (goto-char bong-base)
		    (sit-for 1)
		    (bubble-bong " .:oO")
		    (bubble-bong " .:oO")
		    (bubble-bong "_.:oO")
		    (bubble-bong " (){}")
		    (bubble-bong " (){}")
		    (bubble-bong " (){}")
		    (setq bubbles (+ bubbles 1)))
		  (goto-char hash-base)
		  (delete-char 1)
		  (insert-string "%")
		  (goto-char bong-base)
		  (sit-for 1)
		  (bubble-bong " ")
		  (bubble-bong " ")
		  (bubble-bong "_")
		  (bubble-bong " ")
		  (bubble-bong " ")
		  (bubble-bong " ")))))
	(sit-for 4)))

;;; Hey, isn't there an absolute value function lying around here
;;; somewhere?  If I had one this would be a one-liner!

(defun one-of (these)
  "Returns a random character out of a string"
  (setq which-of-these (/ (random) 100))
  (if (< which-of-these 0)
      (setq which-of-these (- which-of-these)))
  (setq which-of-these (mod which-of-these (length these)))
  (substring these which-of-these (+ which-of-these 1)))

(defun bubble-bong (bubbles) ""
  (beginning-of-line)
  (search-forward "|")
  (delete-char 2)
  (insert-string (one-of bubbles))
  (insert-string (one-of bubbles))
  (previous-line 1)
  (sit-for 0))
    
(defun empty-bong () "Take the ashes out..."
  (interactive)
  (goto-char (point-min))
  (save-excursion
    (if (discard-ashes)
	(while (discard-ashes))
      (error "It's already empty, jerk-off."))))
   
(defun discard-ashes () ""
  (if (re-search-forward "\\\[[^ ]\\\]" nil t)
      (progn
	(backward-char)
	(backward-delete-char 1)
	(insert-string " ")
	(sit-for 1)
	t)))
 
(defun do-hit () "Macro for when you're too stoned to type."
  (interactive)
  (find-file "bh")
  (setq mode-name "-> Bong <-")
  (goto-char (point-min))
  (fill-bong)
  (sit-for 3)
  (smoke-bong)
  (empty-bong)
  (goto-char (point-min))
  (sit-for 0))